I felt for him. I also could not lose sight of the fact that I was the one who had been told I was dead.
## The Paige Who Called Me Thursday
Paige called me the Thursday before the dinner, two days after Andrew called. I knew the call was coming — Ruth had said she would tell Paige, and Andrew’s call confirmed the timeline — but I did not know exactly what Paige would say.
She said: “Mom.”
That was the first word. Just that.
“I’m here,” I said.
“I know you’re coming Saturday.” A pause. “I know I need to explain.”
“Yes,” I said. “You do.”
She was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know how to do it on the phone.”
“Then don’t do it on the phone. Do it Saturday, in the room, where we can all hear each other.”
“Are you angry?”
I thought about the word Donna had used. Grief. “I’m angry and I’m something else. I’ll be there Saturday and we’ll talk.”
“Mom –“
“Paige. I love you. I am furious with you. Both of those are true and they’re both going to be true on Saturday. Come prepared to be honest.”
She made a sound that might have been a suppressed sob. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”
We got off the phone and I did not call her back that evening even though I thought about it. I wanted her to sit with the conversation we’d had. I wanted her to have two days to think about what honest actually looked like, because what she was about to do at that dinner was the hardest honest she had ever attempted, and she was going to need to prepare.