Generosity that bypasses a direct question is not generous to the relationship. It is generous to one’s own image of oneself as a person who does not make things difficult. I was protecting my image of not being difficult, which is a way of avoiding a conversation by calling it something nicer.
The other thing I would have done differently: I would have had the walk conversation with Daniel in week three instead of week ten. The same logic applies. By week ten I was not asking, I was requiring, and requiring is harder for everyone including me.
None of this is self-flagellation. I am noting the two specific things I would change because they are the two things that, if changed, would have shortened the difficult portion of the story from three months to about one. The hard part was always going to happen. I could have made it shorter.
The January Visit, Expanded
The visit I described — January, rings the bell, grocery store pie, two hours and then leaves — deserves a little more texture because the texture is what made it different from what had come before.
Patricia called on a Thursday and asked if Saturday worked. She said: I thought I’d come for lunch if you’re not busy. She did not say she was in the neighborhood or imply she had already planned to be nearby. She asked if Saturday worked.
I said Saturday worked.
She arrived at twelve-thirty with a grocery store blueberry pie in a plastic container, the kind with the clear domed lid. She held it slightly out in front of her as she came in, as if she was presenting it, and she said: I didn’t know what you had for dessert.