And then I waited. This is the part of the story that does not have dramatic structure — the waiting is just waiting, the process is just process, and there is nothing to do but keep living your life while a lender’s investigative team works through a case that is important to you and is one of many cases they are working through.
I continued going to work. I continued building my savings, though the rental upgrade was on hold and my timeline had shifted. I did not call my mother again, though she texted me occasionally — a birthday acknowledgment, a news article she thought I’d find interesting, the small-talk messages of a person who is trying to stay in contact without reopening the wound.
I responded briefly. I was not cold. I was not warm. I was trying to find the mode of being in relationship with her that did not require me to pretend the last three months hadn’t happened, while also not cutting off contact entirely, which was not something I wanted to do.
Tessa checked in regularly. “Any news from the lender?” “Any more calls from Luke?” “How are you actually doing?” That last question she asked probably once a week, and I answered it honestly, which required paying attention to how I was actually doing.
I was not okay in the way I had been okay before. I was managing. There is a difference, and I tried to be accurate about which one I was.
## What Denise Told Luke That He Told Me