‘And they didn’t do that,’ Leah said.
‘They didn’t do that,’ I said. ‘And I don’t know that they ever will, entirely. I think it’s a limitation in how they understand family — in how they were raised to understand family. You don’t ask, you tell. You don’t consult, you inform. And by the time you inform, the thing is already done, because that’s how you keep people from talking you out of it.’
‘But they adjusted when you pushed back,’ Leah said.
‘They adjusted when I pushed back,’ I agreed. ‘That’s real. They could have dug in — I’ve seen them dig in before — and they didn’t. My mother apologized. My father went quiet and then came around. Adam stepped up with the deposit. Those are real things.’
‘So what’s the thing that’s still not as good as you’d have liked?’
I wrapped both hands around my coffee cup. ‘The thing that’s not as good,’ I said, ‘is that I know this is going to happen again in some form. Not this exact thing, but this shape. Decisions will be made that affect me, and I’ll find out after the fact, and I’ll have to push back again. That’s just the family we are. I got better at pushing back this time. I’ll have to keep being better at it.’
‘That’s actually pretty clear-eyed,’ Leah said.
‘It’s where I landed,’ I said. ‘It doesn’t feel like winning. It feels like arriving at an accurate understanding.’
‘Sometimes those are the same thing,’ she said.