I let the feeling be there for twenty minutes. Then I thought about the contract.
This is not as cold as it sounds. I thought about the contract because the contract was the practical reality I was dealing with, and dealing with practical realities is what I do when I feel out of control. It is not a great coping mechanism and I know that about myself. But it is my mechanism.
I thought: I signed a contract. I have financial obligations under that contract. And I also have no interest in paying for a wedding I’m not going to be at. Those two things are both true and they are in conflict and I need to figure out the actual shape of that conflict before I can do anything useful about it.
I went to my email and found the Willowmere contract.
## What the Contract Actually Said
The Willowmere Hall agreement was nine pages long, which is standard for an event venue contract. I had read all nine pages in September before I signed, and I had filed a PDF copy in my email because I file everything. I opened it on my laptop at my kitchen table with the wine pushed to the side.
The payment structure was clear. Total package: nine thousand six hundred dollars. Deposit at signing: two thousand four hundred, nonrefundable. Remaining balance of seven thousand two hundred: due in two installments, the first sixty days before the event and the second fourteen days before. The deposit had been paid in September. The first installment was due in eight days.