I set the card on the kitchen counter.
“Thank you,” I said.
“I meant it.”
“I know.”
He stood in the kitchen looking at me with the expression of someone who doesn’t know what happens next. We had been married for ten years. I knew his face very well.
“I called the number for that couples counselor Priya mentioned,” I said. “There’s an appointment available in two weeks. I put our names on the waitlist.”
Something in him relaxed slightly. “Okay.”
“I also want to talk about some specific things. Not tonight — tonight we should just be home. But soon.”
“Okay,” he said again.
“And Nathan.”
“Yeah.”
“The anniversary trip — I’d still like to go. Not to make up for this one. A separate thing, on its own terms. When we’ve done some of the work.”
He looked at me for a moment. “Yeah,” he said. “I’d like that too.”
## The Specific Things
We had the conversation about the specific things a few days after he got back. I had made a list, not to read from but because making a list is how I make sure I don’t talk myself out of saying the important parts.
The first thing was the decision-making question. When we make plans together, I need those plans to be treated as agreements rather than as starting points for Nathan’s unilateral revision. If something changes — if a new consideration enters the picture — we talk about it before acting on it. This applies to his mother’s situation and to anything else.